Friday, May 7, 2010

Mother's Day...the heavier and lighter side

Mother's Day is just around the corner.

Right now, my almost-7 year old is busily crafting away, while my 1 1/2 year old is taking a much needed nap. We had a typical 'rough' night last night, nursing all night long and hardly sleeping. My toddler is getting all 4 of her canine teeth at once, and it makes for very long and exhausting nights.

Mothering is such a amazing mix of the best and the worst of things. The immense vulnerability we have with the birth of our first child is of epic proportions. We love our children so much that it hurts. Does it hurt because life is so impermanent? Thoughts of my own mortality run though my mind when this little innocent and fragile being is so dependent on me. This is love.

My children have caused me more stress, exhaustion, grief, sadness, heartache, worry, pain, struggle, and frustration than I could ever believe imaginable. When it feels like all is falling apart, all we can do is keep on truckin'. There are no breaks, no time-outs for moms, no 'pause' button (oh, wouldn't a 'pause' button be so nice??).

And yet, my children also give me more unconditional love, beauty, excitement, rejoicing, celebrating, learning, growth, power, creativity, independence, and strength than I could have ever imagined.

Trying to describe this to someone who has never had children is like trying to describe an orgasm to someone who's never had one. It's just impossible, and you just can't know until you do it.

So, here's to all you amazing mothers out there, who will just keep on truckin' no matter what, keep on feeding those mouths, wiping those bums and laughing and weeping all through the preciously short childhoods.
Soon, they will be grown and out of the house, and suddenly we won't have never-ending piles of laundry to fold, messes to clean up that we just cleaned up two minutes ago, endless meals and snacks to prepare.
Our homes will feel empty, and we'll miss it.

And so, on that's something a little on the lighter side.
Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful women out there!

MOTHER - Job Description

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma


Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.


The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.


Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you


None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.


Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.


While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.



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